Thoughts while shopping for black pants:
Ok. New job (yaay!), new dress code (boo!). Black everything.
Crap. My wardrobe resembles that of a 4 year old infatuated with Dr. Seuss.
Ok first things first: I need black pants.
…do sweatpants work as black pants? No? Damn it.
A trip to Zara it is then.
Ok I can do this. Black pants. Easy.
*10 frantic minutes later, pile of black pants on shoulder*
Look at me, so efficient. Hah. I’ll be out of here in no time.
Shit, is that the line for the fitting rooms?
Why are all these people here? Do you people not have jobs??
I am only allowed 6 items in there?? KILL ME.
Why do the curtains NEVER close properly? Why do strangers have to see my ass? Ugh.
Ok if I can juuuust pull these pants up past my knees…
…Since when is 36 so fucking tight??
I can’t possibly be a 38. Nope. It must be this shitty model. NEXT.
Maybe my knees are swollen. Yes that’s it. My knees are swollen.
How is it possible that I used to LOVE shopping, once upon a time?? What the hell was wrong with me??
..oh right. I was skinny.
…Is there ANYTHING less flattering than a bazillion overhead fluorescent lights?? WHO is the sadistic bastard behind this horrific crime against cellulite-laden humanity?? That is NOT HOW I LOOK LIKE AT HOME.
Oh God please let this one fit.
WHO ARE THESE PANTS DESIGNED FOR???
I am obese. I am hippo. I am a panda.
Why is it so friggin’ hot in here??
I am officially in Satan’s dressing room.
Great…now I’m gonna sweat all over these pants I’m not buying. Lovely.
Why did I eat so much last night?
Ok fine. FINE. Give me a 38.
…SUCCESS! MY ASS IS IN PEOPLE!!
…wait, why is this so loose at my waist??
Those designer people need to fucking get some fucking HUMAN MODELS. WHAT IS THIS SHIT.
Ok I can’t.
Must. Leave. NOW.
Screw it, this will have to work. I’ll wear a belt or something. I’m OUT.
…I need food. Pronto.
Quick. Satisfying. Something delicious enough to help me get over this highly traumatic experience.
PESTO!! That’s it.
I need spaghetti with pesto. Lots of pesto. Lots of spaghetti. I have a size 38 pair of pants to fill.
PS: Some people might argue that pesto is a spring thing. I say we don’t need that kind of negativity in our lives. In my book, pesto is an any-damn-day-of-the-year thing. Put that stuff on everything, which won’t be difficult after you discover how MIND-BLOWING it is when made fresh. This is one more for the ever-growing list of things that are infinitely better when homemade from scratch (along with Nut Butters, Hummus and Labneh).
- • 1 bunch fresh basil, leaves picked
- • 50g pine nuts
- • 60g parmesan cheese, grated
- • 1-2 cloves garlic, grated (depending on how much you like garlic)
- • 150ml extra virgin olive oil
- • salt to taste
- Preheat oven to 180 C. Spread the pine nuts on a baking sheet and toast in the oven for 6-8 minutes, until just fragrant and lightly golden. Cool.
- Place the cooled toasted pine nuts, basil leaves, Parmesan and garlic in a food processor. Blend until everything is finely chopped. With the motor running, drizzle in the olive oil in a steady stream and blend until desired smoothness. Have a taste, adjust seasoning and you’re done!
- Use right away, or pour into an airtight glass container (a jar is perfect), drizzle a little olive oil on top and place a piece of cling film DIRECTLY onto the surface of the pesto, before screwing on the jar’s lid. This prevents the surface of the pesto from oxidizing and turning brown. It will keep in the fridge for a week or in the freezer for ages.
• Use this pesto in sandwiches, omelets, with chicken or fish, in pasta salads or even as a dip. For a super quick no-cook pasta sauce like the one in the photos up there: cook some spaghetti till al dente & drain it, reserving 1-2 cups of the cooking water. Toss the steaming hot spaghetti with the pesto, a generous amount of fresh ricotta cheese (at least 200g) and loosen with the reserved pasta water until desired consistency. Season and top with tons of parmesan.